All Hail

I believe that there are three types of women in life.

1) The type of girl (and she really will always will be called a girl) that men instinctively want to protect. You know the sort – they are usually small, petite and for some reason always bloody brunette. Made to be ‘someone’s girlfriend’ they appear almost incomplete without a man by their side to make sure that life never really gets that stressful for them. One of life’s small yappy type dogs.

2) The one that you marry. While this may initially be a frustrating group to fall in, as often men will take one look at you and have a massive commitment freak out before even one word has been exchanged. This is ultimately a very smug category to occupy. When men start hitting the age where they think that they should actually do something about settling down – you really are quids in, and a proposal a week is probably about standard at this time.

3) The one that you just want to screw. Depending on your mindset, this is either the most fun or the most depressing one of the three. And I would guess that – fitting into this category myself – your mindset changes as often as the wind and it mostly just depends on how horny you are.

I suppose that this could be the modern day equivalent of the maid, the mother and the crone. And they do even bear some resemblance. The first is fragile and often naïve, the second loyal and loveable and the last scary and alone.

Something wicked this way comes…