It is official – winter has come to our fair Isle once more. The reason why I am able to proclaim this with such certainty, is that I measure seasons not by the weather (like meteorologists might) not by the clothes I might be wearing (like a fashionista might) and not even by the seasonal holidays that crop up (like… most people) – but by the colour of my skin.
I am by nature a pale person, but there comes a distinct time of year when my skin colour changes from ‘porcelain’ to ‘transparent’. My mum calls it ‘pale and interesting’ whereas everyone else starts to cross themselves as I walk by.
I have tried in vain to make myself look more like a living and breathing person. I buy that moisturiser that they have promised me will gradually tan my face with a subtle and healthy glow, whereas all that has happened so far is that the little bits in between my fingers have turned slightly orange. I liberally apply bronzer to my cheeks in the hope that this will help – but end up looking like I got made-up in the dark. (think Brigit Jones in the last movie at the lawyers do that she went to.)
The other night I went out with a group of female friends and since we are all incredibly vain, the camera was taken along so that we could upload little bits of our soul onto facebook in the vain attempt to try and look popular/ convince the world that we have an amazingly fun social life, really we do, much better than yours anyway…
However – after applying the aforementioned bronzer and thinking that I looked like something approaching normal - the next day, we looked back at the photos. My good god – I look like the ginger one from girls aloud when she is photographed next to the rest of the perma-tanned ones. It has become that time of year again when I fall into the ‘we belong dead’ category.
On the positive side – it gives me a really realistic look for Halloween – on the other hand the mobs turning up at our house with their torches and pitchforks do tend to annoy the landlord.
The other night I went out with a group of female friends and since we are all incredibly vain, the camera was taken along so that we could upload little bits of our soul onto facebook in the vain attempt to try and look popular/ convince the world that we have an amazingly fun social life, really we do, much better than yours anyway…
However – after applying the aforementioned bronzer and thinking that I looked like something approaching normal - the next day, we looked back at the photos. My good god – I look like the ginger one from girls aloud when she is photographed next to the rest of the perma-tanned ones. It has become that time of year again when I fall into the ‘we belong dead’ category.
On the positive side – it gives me a really realistic look for Halloween – on the other hand the mobs turning up at our house with their torches and pitchforks do tend to annoy the landlord.
No comments:
Post a Comment