It's my Prom and I'll sit if I want to

Last night, feeling very cultural, patriotic and ever so slightly smug that I ‘appreciated classical music’ – I did that Bloody British thing and went to the Proms.

The excitement mounted, and I wished that I had a small flag to wave and shout hurrah – and was promptly told that I couldn’t have one as it was the wrong night and apparently waving a flag is prohibited by law on every other night of the year. I was also banned from humming Pomp and Circumstance – the meaness I hear you cry.

Then the band struck up (yes I know that it’s called an orchestra but you try to come up with something as catchy using the word orchestra – it has no timbre). They launch into the first movement and I stand and listen attentively. At first I am planted squarely on two feet – a no nonsense pose that indicates that I am doing some serious listening. Then after about 5 minutes I move onto one hip…then the other. Then I do that thing where you sort of stick one leg out, cross your arms and try and lean on one of your hip bones. As every other time I have tried to do this – it does not work and I look like I am in pain.

It is at this point that I become acutely aware I was wearing heels.

Next I pretend to lean lovingly on The Boy, while really using him as a prop to try and ensure that the least amount of pressure is spread around my feet. I try and concentrate on the music – and while the Berlin Phil may be the best orchestra in the world, the knowledge did nothing to alleviate the throbbing in my feet. The leaning on the human prop has not worked as he thought I was being affectionate and started to hold my hand, which meant that I had to stand semi-upright again. Foiled.

I look desperately around, trying to see who else is sitting down and if they are either respectable enough looking or in sufficient numbers for me to do likewise. I cannot be the one to cave in and admit that I would be much comfier sitting on the floor. Someone accidently knocks my foot with their heel – so precarious is my balance that I wobble a bit.

I admit defeat – I sit on the floor. It feels great.