To cheat or not to cheat? This no longer appears to be the question. Society seems to have decided for us that adultery is very much to be looked down upon. Should one half of a couple be unfaithful to the other, they become very much the guilty party when the inevitable split up/ ‘issues’ comes – both morally (according to all of their friends) and legally (according to divorce law).
- I should add that I am not a lawyer, and like most things in life the finer points of law escape me – please do not hesitate not to correct me.
Do not misunderstand me – I am neither the recipient of a cheating partner, nor have a just spilt up with someone because I cheated on them. I would hate to be interpreted as bitter – it is so unbecoming in a woman.
In our present time of relative freedom of choice in our partners I believe that the pressure to choice one perfect person, to fall utterly in love and never think of another is completely overwhelming. Now that our notion of a ‘suitable marriage’ is becoming ever more alien, I think that the notion of ‘soul mates’ is slowly replacing it. Are the emotional ties that we create for ourselves in pronouncing one person the other half of ourselves far greater and infinitely more pressurized than any ties that law could bind?
A while ago, a friend had cheated/been unfaithful/ played away etc. and was debating how best to tell him then girlfriend. I listened to other people talk about ‘delicacy’ and phases such as – ‘It meant nothing’ were circulated. I then innocently questioned why he felt like he had to tell her at all, if he thought that she wouldn’t find out?
You’d have thought that I had suggested that Kate Winslet only won an award because she did a holocaust film!
My attitude towards telling your loved one that you have strayed away – is that it is inherently selfish. It will not ever make them feel better. They will not think better of you because you have told them, but less of you for doing it. They will be hurt and humiliated. So why do it? Why hurt the one you love?
I believe it to be nothing more that your misplaced desire to alleviate your own guilt. They say that a problem shared is a problem halved, and by that logic surely a secret shared is a burden halved. You crave forgiveness. You no longer want to feel the way you do, and so you tell your partner in a quest for absolution. You tell because you want to make yourself feel better, even though you know that it will be at their expense.
No action is without consequence, but surely you and you alone should bear the consequences of your own actions.
- I should add that I am not a lawyer, and like most things in life the finer points of law escape me – please do not hesitate not to correct me.
Do not misunderstand me – I am neither the recipient of a cheating partner, nor have a just spilt up with someone because I cheated on them. I would hate to be interpreted as bitter – it is so unbecoming in a woman.
In our present time of relative freedom of choice in our partners I believe that the pressure to choice one perfect person, to fall utterly in love and never think of another is completely overwhelming. Now that our notion of a ‘suitable marriage’ is becoming ever more alien, I think that the notion of ‘soul mates’ is slowly replacing it. Are the emotional ties that we create for ourselves in pronouncing one person the other half of ourselves far greater and infinitely more pressurized than any ties that law could bind?
A while ago, a friend had cheated/been unfaithful/ played away etc. and was debating how best to tell him then girlfriend. I listened to other people talk about ‘delicacy’ and phases such as – ‘It meant nothing’ were circulated. I then innocently questioned why he felt like he had to tell her at all, if he thought that she wouldn’t find out?
You’d have thought that I had suggested that Kate Winslet only won an award because she did a holocaust film!
My attitude towards telling your loved one that you have strayed away – is that it is inherently selfish. It will not ever make them feel better. They will not think better of you because you have told them, but less of you for doing it. They will be hurt and humiliated. So why do it? Why hurt the one you love?
I believe it to be nothing more that your misplaced desire to alleviate your own guilt. They say that a problem shared is a problem halved, and by that logic surely a secret shared is a burden halved. You crave forgiveness. You no longer want to feel the way you do, and so you tell your partner in a quest for absolution. You tell because you want to make yourself feel better, even though you know that it will be at their expense.
No action is without consequence, but surely you and you alone should bear the consequences of your own actions.
