A short history of nearly everything

Some interesting dates:

10th April 1633 - Bananas go on sale for the first time in the UK
1855 – first use of rubber condoms
21st June 1986 – I am born.

Although all fascinating, it is the latter that holds a special place in my heart, as it marks the beginning of my existence. It is also the summer solstice and strange naked people dancing around Stone-Henge greet my birth. I am born with very little hair and my mother is forced to dress me purely in pink for the first year of my life to convince others that I am female.

All minor illnesses of childhood are dealt with, and then one major one. However, I have by then sprouted blonde curly hair that puts one in mind of those
bored Botecelli angels, which is some compensation. I should add that my strongest memory of the experience is being bought Ballerina Barbie, and so I do not think that I have been seriously affected.

Primary school blurs by in a sticky whirl of paint, sand, glue and glitter. Pinky my beloved (and white) blanket is slowly left at home, and ‘best-friends’ are made. I have my first boyfriend age 6. He tells me that he wants a walkman for his birthday. I think that he means a robot-man that really walks. It doesn’t work out. I was taller than him anyway.

I then move up to ‘big school’ where I stay until I am 11 years old. It is a tough time of calf length kilts in the winter and straw boaters in the summer. I try going to guides for a while in order to keep in touch with some of my friends, but after being put into the ‘six’ called The Blue Tits – it quickly loses its charm. I manage to get my hostess badge and a first aid one – however, since I did them both on the same day I have been left with the lasting impression that if someone is ill you should give them a cup of tea, a slice of cake and then wrap them up a present with ribbon.

Secondary school is a marvellous time of hormones and trying to have the shortest skirt in the year. I go to an all girls school, which I was allowed to choose myself, as I have that rare breed of parent, that while they wish the best for me, do not insist that they know what is best for me. Boys become of the utmost importance. Sadly, until I am about 17 I do not really attract many, I console myself this gave me more time to develop a personality.

As a middle class child I learn an instrument. To be perfectly accurate, I learn three. They give me many wonderful experiences and a love of music, which I shall always treasure. They also give me scars for life when music teachers enter me in music festivals, and I am forced to spend the three minutes of my unaccompanied Bach cringing and reflecting that for all the money and time that has been spent, I should in fact be a bit better really.

University of one of those magical times that sadly, I do not believe can ever be recreated. When going out in the middle of the week was the norm, and people were given suffixes or prefixes to their names in Fresher’s week by which they were forever known. Pants-John you are sorely missed.

Last week, I watched the final of University Challenge and answered five questions correctly. Truly I am now grown up.